What Are We Doing?

Me: Hawaii doesn’t have all inclusive resorts
Mom: So? I don’t drink.
Me: But with all inclusives you get lots of activities. Jet skis included. And your horse skis.
Mom: Horse skis?
Me: Yeah. You like, ride skis behind a horse.
Mom: Well. I’m just going to quit my job so I can have a week off in February so I can go horse skiing.

Prehistoric Sexiness

Adam: Does latex have oil product in it?
Me: I don’t think so.
Adam: I thought some condoms did.
Me: My guess would be the polyurethane ones. They probably have oil products.
Adam: …
Me: Which means you have sex with dinosaurs when you use them.
Adam: Yeah that’s exactly it.

While Eating Pizza

Me: Can we be arch nemesises?
Adam: We are.
Me: Does that mean I can try and get you fired and stuff?
Adam: Yeah. Just like I can shit up your nose while you sleep?
Me: *laughing*
Adam: My awesomeness is immeasurable.
Me: *laughing*
Adam: Irrmeasurable.
Me:…
Adam: My awesomeness cannot be measured.

Bringing Sexy Back From the Cold Food Section

on the phone…
Me: I’m going to bed now.
Adam: I’m rubbing a block of cold processed cheese on my body.
Me:…
Adam: Does that do anything for you?
Me: Wow.

Speaking of Journey

*I sing a lot of 80s music to myself*
Me: Just a small down girl living in a lonely world…
Adam: Where was she going?
Me: Anywhere. She was a location slut.

Speaking of Foreigner

Me: Standing in the rain. With it’s head down low…
Adam: It’s?
Me: Yeah, it’s a dog.
Adam: Jukebox hero is a dog?
Me: Yes, that’s why it couldn’t get into the show. It couldn’t use Ticketmaster
Adam: It all makes sense now.

Pets Adam Shouldn’t Have

Adam: I totally want a polar bear dog cross.
Chelsea: Why?
Adam: It would be so cool. It would be unstoppable.
Chelsea: …
Adam: Especially after I strapped a bullet proof vest on it.
Chelsea:…
Adam: We’d rob banks.
Adam: People would be scared
Chelsea:…
Adam: Then we’d go clubbing

Careers Adam Shouldn’t Have

Adam: I want to be a backup singer.
Chelsea: Why?
Adam: I’d be like “woah woah woah oh oh. Woah oh oh oh oh ohhhhhhhhh”.
Chelsea: …
Adam: And they’d be like “Adam, wow”
Chelsea…
Adam: And I’d be all “yesssssss”

You’re Not Funny Mom

In the Canadian Tire Parking lot

Mom: It’s so hot, and here were are in our matching sweaters
Chelsea: Maybe I should take it off *undoes and shows cleavage*
Mom: Those are even whiter than your forehead
Chelsea: …
Mom: Wasn’t that funny?
Chelsea: …
Mom: Do I get to be on your thingswesaid now?

My Love For Journey Sees No Bounds

Me: God, I would pay MONEY to see Journey live.
Adam: Isn’t that a valid form of payment to see them?
Me: Sure, if you want to state the obvious.