Fatty!

Mom: I had a good treat today.
Me: Oh yeah?
Mom: I fell off the fat wagon.
Me: …
Mom: I fell on the fat wagon?
Me: …
Mom: I got RUN OVER by the fat wagon!

At the Drive Thru

Me: I think the drive thru is over there now. They moved it.
Mom: Prick faces!
Me: *laughs*
Mom: Their faces look like penises.

I would like to congratulate my mom on her third appearance on this site. In celebration of this occasion I put one of our cats ribbon toys on her. She loved it and wore it for several minutes.

What Are We Doing?

Me: Hawaii doesn’t have all inclusive resorts
Mom: So? I don’t drink.
Me: But with all inclusives you get lots of activities. Jet skis included. And your horse skis.
Mom: Horse skis?
Me: Yeah. You like, ride skis behind a horse.
Mom: Well. I’m just going to quit my job so I can have a week off in February so I can go horse skiing.

You’re Not Funny Mom

In the Canadian Tire Parking lot

Mom: It’s so hot, and here were are in our matching sweaters
Chelsea: Maybe I should take it off *undoes and shows cleavage*
Mom: Those are even whiter than your forehead
Chelsea: …
Mom: Wasn’t that funny?
Chelsea: …
Mom: Do I get to be on your thingswesaid now?