Acceptable Loss

Chelsea: Stores like Wal-mart expect to lose a certain through theft and things not being rung in properly. It just happens.
Adam: Yeah, it’s like built into the cost.
Chelsea: Yeah like acceptable loss or something like that.
Adam: I believe the military would call it “civilian casualities”.

I love g33ks

Adam: I’ve been running some diagnostics on my hard drives.
Me: I have no idea what that means, but it’s super hot.

Living Together

Me: I wish we lived together.
Adam: Well we could now.
Me: How?
Adam: I could drop out of school
Me:…
Adam: Yeah, and then I would have to sell myself for a living.
Me: …And then we could live together?
Adam: No. I would get addicted to drugs. And then I’d have to go to rehab. And in rehab I’d find God, so I’d go and live in a monastery.
Me: And I’d live with you there?
Adam: No. I’d get a great product idea while I lived in the monastery, like the Shamwow. I’d sell it, and I’d make tons of money and be rich, but then I’d get addicted to drugs again. Then I’d have to sell myself on the streets to buy drugs. Then one night, this old lady would become very taken with me and offer me lots of money to spend the weekend with her.
Me: And you’d use that money to buy a house?
Adam: No. I’d spend it all on drugs. Then I’d bottom out and have to get a job in a Subway and move back in with my parents. I’d save up, and then go back to school. I’d get my degree, find a good job and we would live together.
Me: Right. Great plan.

Birthday’s Come But Once a Year

Adam: Can you look at what movies are playing?
Me: No
Adam: But…it’s my birthday boxing day…
Me: *laughing*
Adam: Hey, if Jesus gets one, I get one.

Fatty!

Mom: I had a good treat today.
Me: Oh yeah?
Mom: I fell off the fat wagon.
Me: …
Mom: I fell on the fat wagon?
Me: …
Mom: I got RUN OVER by the fat wagon!

I know HTML – How to Meet Ladies

Adam: I’ll bring some episodes of Numb3rs. I’ll encrypt them and put them on my keychain.
Chelsea: You should use that as a pick up line.
Adam: What?
Chelsea: Go to the bar and say “I’m going to encrypt episodes of Numb3rs and put them on my keychain”
Adam: “Want to see my encrypted keychain?”
Chelsea: Use them both.
Adam: Change it up a little.
Chelsea: Totally.

What Are We Doing?

Me: Hawaii doesn’t have all inclusive resorts
Mom: So? I don’t drink.
Me: But with all inclusives you get lots of activities. Jet skis included. And your horse skis.
Mom: Horse skis?
Me: Yeah. You like, ride skis behind a horse.
Mom: Well. I’m just going to quit my job so I can have a week off in February so I can go horse skiing.

Prehistoric Sexiness

Adam: Does latex have oil product in it?
Me: I don’t think so.
Adam: I thought some condoms did.
Me: My guess would be the polyurethane ones. They probably have oil products.
Adam: …
Me: Which means you have sex with dinosaurs when you use them.
Adam: Yeah that’s exactly it.

While Eating Pizza

Me: Can we be arch nemesises?
Adam: We are.
Me: Does that mean I can try and get you fired and stuff?
Adam: Yeah. Just like I can shit up your nose while you sleep?
Me: *laughing*
Adam: My awesomeness is immeasurable.
Me: *laughing*
Adam: Irrmeasurable.
Me:…
Adam: My awesomeness cannot be measured.

Bringing Sexy Back From the Cold Food Section

on the phone…
Me: I’m going to bed now.
Adam: I’m rubbing a block of cold processed cheese on my body.
Me:…
Adam: Does that do anything for you?
Me: Wow.