Acceptable Loss

Chelsea: Stores like Wal-mart expect to lose a certain through theft and things not being rung in properly. It just happens.
Adam: Yeah, it’s like built into the cost.
Chelsea: Yeah like acceptable loss or something like that.
Adam: I believe the military would call it “civilian casualities”.

I love g33ks

Adam: I’ve been running some diagnostics on my hard drives.
Me: I have no idea what that means, but it’s super hot.

Living Together

Me: I wish we lived together.
Adam: Well we could now.
Me: How?
Adam: I could drop out of school
Me:…
Adam: Yeah, and then I would have to sell myself for a living.
Me: …And then we could live together?
Adam: No. I would get addicted to drugs. And then I’d have to go to rehab. And in rehab I’d find God, so I’d go and live in a monastery.
Me: And I’d live with you there?
Adam: No. I’d get a great product idea while I lived in the monastery, like the Shamwow. I’d sell it, and I’d make tons of money and be rich, but then I’d get addicted to drugs again. Then I’d have to sell myself on the streets to buy drugs. Then one night, this old lady would become very taken with me and offer me lots of money to spend the weekend with her.
Me: And you’d use that money to buy a house?
Adam: No. I’d spend it all on drugs. Then I’d bottom out and have to get a job in a Subway and move back in with my parents. I’d save up, and then go back to school. I’d get my degree, find a good job and we would live together.
Me: Right. Great plan.

Birthday’s Come But Once a Year

Adam: Can you look at what movies are playing?
Me: No
Adam: But…it’s my birthday boxing day…
Me: *laughing*
Adam: Hey, if Jesus gets one, I get one.

I know HTML – How to Meet Ladies

Adam: I’ll bring some episodes of Numb3rs. I’ll encrypt them and put them on my keychain.
Chelsea: You should use that as a pick up line.
Adam: What?
Chelsea: Go to the bar and say “I’m going to encrypt episodes of Numb3rs and put them on my keychain”
Adam: “Want to see my encrypted keychain?”
Chelsea: Use them both.
Adam: Change it up a little.
Chelsea: Totally.

While Eating Pizza

Me: Can we be arch nemesises?
Adam: We are.
Me: Does that mean I can try and get you fired and stuff?
Adam: Yeah. Just like I can shit up your nose while you sleep?
Me: *laughing*
Adam: My awesomeness is immeasurable.
Me: *laughing*
Adam: Irrmeasurable.
Me:…
Adam: My awesomeness cannot be measured.

Bringing Sexy Back From the Cold Food Section

on the phone…
Me: I’m going to bed now.
Adam: I’m rubbing a block of cold processed cheese on my body.
Me:…
Adam: Does that do anything for you?
Me: Wow.

Speaking of Journey

*I sing a lot of 80s music to myself*
Me: Just a small down girl living in a lonely world…
Adam: Where was she going?
Me: Anywhere. She was a location slut.

Speaking of Foreigner

Me: Standing in the rain. With it’s head down low…
Adam: It’s?
Me: Yeah, it’s a dog.
Adam: Jukebox hero is a dog?
Me: Yes, that’s why it couldn’t get into the show. It couldn’t use Ticketmaster
Adam: It all makes sense now.

Pets Adam Shouldn’t Have

Adam: I totally want a polar bear dog cross.
Chelsea: Why?
Adam: It would be so cool. It would be unstoppable.
Chelsea: …
Adam: Especially after I strapped a bullet proof vest on it.
Chelsea:…
Adam: We’d rob banks.
Adam: People would be scared
Chelsea:…
Adam: Then we’d go clubbing