Fatty!

Mom: I had a good treat today.
Me: Oh yeah?
Mom: I fell off the fat wagon.
Me: …
Mom: I fell on the fat wagon?
Me: …
Mom: I got RUN OVER by the fat wagon!

I know HTML – How to Meet Ladies

Adam: I’ll bring some episodes of Numb3rs. I’ll encrypt them and put them on my keychain.
Chelsea: You should use that as a pick up line.
Adam: What?
Chelsea: Go to the bar and say “I’m going to encrypt episodes of Numb3rs and put them on my keychain”
Adam: “Want to see my encrypted keychain?”
Chelsea: Use them both.
Adam: Change it up a little.
Chelsea: Totally.

You’re Doing it Wrong

Mom: Okay, who’s going to do the cat litter tonight?
Me: Not me!
Neil: Not me!
Mom: Shot gun!!!
Me:…
Neil:…
Mom:…wait…

At the Drive Thru

Me: I think the drive thru is over there now. They moved it.
Mom: Prick faces!
Me: *laughs*
Mom: Their faces look like penises.

I would like to congratulate my mom on her third appearance on this site. In celebration of this occasion I put one of our cats ribbon toys on her. She loved it and wore it for several minutes.

Online Complaints

Me: I know me, I’m not going to go for an hour long lab
Me:I just won’t
Adam says:call and complain
Me: hahah
Me:call who?
Adam says: professors
Adam says: registrar
Adam says: deans
Adam says: presidents
Adam says: politicians
Adam says: tv stations
Adam says: bat man
Adam says: ghost busters
Adam says: janitorial staff
Adam says: architects
Me: oh

What Are We Doing?

Me: Hawaii doesn’t have all inclusive resorts
Mom: So? I don’t drink.
Me: But with all inclusives you get lots of activities. Jet skis included. And your horse skis.
Mom: Horse skis?
Me: Yeah. You like, ride skis behind a horse.
Mom: Well. I’m just going to quit my job so I can have a week off in February so I can go horse skiing.